Matters of the Heart

We have been looking at Claire's heart for so long - three echocardiograms in utero, one 12 hours after she was born, three more in the short 5 months she's been alive. I have seen it from every angle and it feels like I could pick her heart out of a lineup if I had to. It looks like some kind of alien monster pulsating on the screen. If you could see her heart you would understand how unbelievable it is that she is thriving and growing so well. You would be amazed by how strong she is getting and how much she is progressing. Sometimes it seems like she is running on determination alone. 

Claire's surgery has been scheduled for mid-December. 

I feel like I'm having a constant panic attack but in slow motion.                                         

We have so many pictures from ultrasounds, dozens of pictures of Claire trying not to 
her picture taken. There are blurry ones, and ones with her arms in front of her face and some of her feet the time they just couldn't get anything at all. Maybe we should have asked for pictures of her heart so she could see them when she is older. 

I was sitting here on my HR website trying to figure out how much vacation I can spend while we have to be away for the surgery and if I have to take FMLA leave so I don't lose my medical benefits and if I can work extra hours to make some extra cash before Brenden and I take almost a month off of jobs that don't pay us when we're not there. But then, maybe i can't take leave because I already took 12 weeks when she was born and I don't know how we'll have time to pack and prep if I'm working all the time until then and oh my goodness my heart is pounding fast. 

 
Today Claire ate carrots for the first time and it seems like that is something worth focusing on. 

During physical therapy we worked on support and positioning to help her along in her sitting up endeavors and did the paperwork to add occupational therapy to her schedule and did some stretching with her hips. 

It was exhausting. 

Claire was a superstar. 

And I will keep reminding myself to breathe.